diary of a tiny dancer

20-something dancer from sydney
blondebombshellescort:

lilitharcane:

clarawebbwillcutoffyourhead:

lilitharcane:

letfashionfeedme:

lilitharcane:

rydenarmani:

sterlingsea:

thechangelingmedusa:

Like seriously, why isn’t pole dancing an olympic sport? This is freakin gymnastics. This is strength and skill. This is not sexual whatsoever. Why does pole dancing have to be so stigmatised as a sexual thing that only strippers do? I have great respect for all people who can pull this off. This is art and beauty right here. 

because sex workers invented it. can we stop trying so hard to ~elevate~ stripping/pole dance from its roots? thx

reblogging this with sterling’s comment because i’ve been seeing it on my dash with her url on it but her comment ripped off kinda making it look like she supports pole dancing being stolen from sex workers

I’m gonna be a bitch here and say that athletic, aerobic type of pole work looks like fucking shit anyways. You look like a fucking fool if you do that, and you don’t look in anyway sex. Keep trying to be “edgy” but it looks like shit. Oh you’re doing it “just for the fitness”? then why not do circus arts which take considerably the same amount of strength and agility.
Strippers who do pole work (I didn’t really, I can’t gain the muscle cuz of EDS) always look graceful, like they’re underwater. To a non sex worker this might sound weird but strippers look fucking elegant on the pole. 
The art and beauty is how strippers do it. Whatever the fuck you’re playing at looks like when Miley tries to twerk, aka, ruining it. (though a lot of white strippers do kind of twerk moves, but at a lot of clubs this is the only way to make considerable stage tips.

Actually sex workers didn’t invent pole dancing it was traced back eight hundred years to the traditional Indian sport of mallakhamb, not bashing or anything I used to strip but like try to educate yourself if you’re going to talk about something

But are these “pole dancers” doing the traditional Indian sport? (I’ve also heard Chinese too) The thing is, this is a common argument whorephobic girls use, and I know as a former sex worker that’s not you, but please don’t buy into their BS. They are trying to take our sport but cleanse it of our dirty whore-ness. The pole dance they do they DIRECTLY took from strippers, the whole pole dance movement with civvies started with basically girls wanting to feel sexy, edgy, or a little dirty without actually having to deal with the stigma. 
Then all the sudden instead of it being a way to spice up their sad sex lives, they decided it was an “art and sport”.
clarawebbwillcutoffyourhead do you have anything more to say about pole dancing girls trying to discredit us SWs being upset about pole dancers trying to say that they’re doing some “ancient art”? 
Either way, not attacking you hun, but I think it’s a valid discussion a lot of non SWs try to derail with :)

Burlesque dancers didn’t share tents with mallakhamb performers and I’d be damn surprised to hear that traveling shows that included burlesque and strip tease also included large logs that people practises mallakhamb on. Plus women weren’t allowed to participate in either mallakhamb or the Chinese pole sport. They wouldn’t have been shooting the shit being all “ladies ladies, let me show you some tricks you can do on my pole.”I mean it shows an abysmal ignorance of the actual history of each performance style, plus traveling burlesque, plus race relations in the us. PLUS the immediate history of the popularity of pole fitness.
The fact that they’re trying to cite mallakhamb shows how little they know what the fuck they’re talking about. Google mallakhamb and google Felix Kane and tell me which fucking style middle class women are emulating.
Christ is there a better term than cultural appropriation for the kind of spiritual yoga-esque wash they’re pulling over pole work?
I already talked about all this though. In my gr8 pole deb8 tag there’s a fantastic quote about culturally appropriative bitches who do pole but feel the need to distance themselves from strippers. It’s probably ten pages back now but it’s worth reposting if anyone wants to look it up.
But yeah they’re all tired and they look bunk as shit in their little boy shorts and sports bras and splayed feet. Rihanna wouldn’t hire you and neither would diplo so knock it off.

Bolded because that’s my favorite quote ever.

Actually one of the dancers in Diplo’s “Set It Off” was Dirdy Birdy, an Australian poler who has never been a stripper. Sooo…yeah. Good try.

I just checked the credits on diplos track and anh lee aka dirdy birdy wasn’t mentioned..So yeah. Good try.

blondebombshellescort:

lilitharcane:

clarawebbwillcutoffyourhead:

lilitharcane:

letfashionfeedme:

lilitharcane:

rydenarmani:

sterlingsea:

thechangelingmedusa:

Like seriously, why isn’t pole dancing an olympic sport? This is freakin gymnastics. This is strength and skill. This is not sexual whatsoever. Why does pole dancing have to be so stigmatised as a sexual thing that only strippers do? I have great respect for all people who can pull this off. This is art and beauty right here. 

because sex workers invented it. can we stop trying so hard to ~elevate~ stripping/pole dance from its roots? thx

reblogging this with sterling’s comment because i’ve been seeing it on my dash with her url on it but her comment ripped off kinda making it look like she supports pole dancing being stolen from sex workers

I’m gonna be a bitch here and say that athletic, aerobic type of pole work looks like fucking shit anyways. You look like a fucking fool if you do that, and you don’t look in anyway sex. Keep trying to be “edgy” but it looks like shit. Oh you’re doing it “just for the fitness”? then why not do circus arts which take considerably the same amount of strength and agility.

Strippers who do pole work (I didn’t really, I can’t gain the muscle cuz of EDS) always look graceful, like they’re underwater. To a non sex worker this might sound weird but strippers look fucking elegant on the pole. 

The art and beauty is how strippers do it. Whatever the fuck you’re playing at looks like when Miley tries to twerk, aka, ruining it. (though a lot of white strippers do kind of twerk moves, but at a lot of clubs this is the only way to make considerable stage tips.

Actually sex workers didn’t invent pole dancing it was traced back eight hundred years to the traditional Indian sport of mallakhamb, not bashing or anything I used to strip but like try to educate yourself if you’re going to talk about something

But are these “pole dancers” doing the traditional Indian sport? (I’ve also heard Chinese too) The thing is, this is a common argument whorephobic girls use, and I know as a former sex worker that’s not you, but please don’t buy into their BS. 
They are trying to take our sport but cleanse it of our dirty whore-ness. The pole dance they do they DIRECTLY took from strippers, the whole pole dance movement with civvies started with basically girls wanting to feel sexy, edgy, or a little dirty without actually having to deal with the stigma. 

Then all the sudden instead of it being a way to spice up their sad sex lives, they decided it was an “art and sport”.

clarawebbwillcutoffyourhead do you have anything more to say about pole dancing girls trying to discredit us SWs being upset about pole dancers trying to say that they’re doing some “ancient art”? 

Either way, not attacking you hun, but I think it’s a valid discussion a lot of non SWs try to derail with :)

Burlesque dancers didn’t share tents with mallakhamb performers and I’d be damn surprised to hear that traveling shows that included burlesque and strip tease also included large logs that people practises mallakhamb on. Plus women weren’t allowed to participate in either mallakhamb or the Chinese pole sport. They wouldn’t have been shooting the shit being all “ladies ladies, let me show you some tricks you can do on my pole.”
I mean it shows an abysmal ignorance of the actual history of each performance style, plus traveling burlesque, plus race relations in the us. PLUS the immediate history of the popularity of pole fitness.

The fact that they’re trying to cite mallakhamb shows how little they know what the fuck they’re talking about. Google mallakhamb and google Felix Kane and tell me which fucking style middle class women are emulating.

Christ is there a better term than cultural appropriation for the kind of spiritual yoga-esque wash they’re pulling over pole work?

I already talked about all this though. In my gr8 pole deb8 tag there’s a fantastic quote about culturally appropriative bitches who do pole but feel the need to distance themselves from strippers. It’s probably ten pages back now but it’s worth reposting if anyone wants to look it up.

But yeah they’re all tired and they look bunk as shit in their little boy shorts and sports bras and splayed feet. Rihanna wouldn’t hire you and neither would diplo so knock it off.

Bolded because that’s my favorite quote ever.

Actually one of the dancers in Diplo’s “Set It Off” was Dirdy Birdy, an Australian poler who has never been a stripper. Sooo…yeah. Good try.

I just checked the credits on diplos track and anh lee aka dirdy birdy wasn’t mentioned..
So yeah. Good try.

http://tieme-takeme.tumblr.com/post/96348184097/medicinalsugar-tieme-takeme-okay-so-because

medicinalsugar:

tieme-takeme:

Okay so because I think it smart to consider/ponder on/research cosmetic surgery procedures for at least a couple of years before committing, I should probably start vaguely thinking about rhinoplasty now.

So, nose jobs, yay or nay? I get the impression…

Whilst all surgery can be risky i would think b.a would be more complicated especially post surgery because your constantly using your breasts muscles upper body etc. I’ve seen heaps of bad b.a but no bad rhinoplasty

I’ve had a nose job before and honestly I felt fine after surgery (besides the anaesthesia) by day 2 I was up and walking around by myself.. I only had slight bruising and swelling and the bruising had disappeared by day 3.

My only regret was because I got my nose done over seas, my only consultation was the day before surgery.. (I had been communicating with my surgeon via email and Skype for months before hand) I regret not waiting to come back to aus to do it where I could of had more then 1 in house consultations to see what the doctor could do for me and also so I could have more then 1 follow up appointment

Make sure you chose a doctor who specialises in noses tho and do your research in plastic surgery forums.. They give good and honest reviews of their surgeons and there’s a huge section for rhinoplasty.. There’s some really good doctors in Melbourne so good luck.. If you want to no anything else let me no..

so who of my followers are based in la?

looks like ill be heading over there in mid-late october for a spontanous trip..

pie-and-zoe:

astealerofhearts:

Men suck at eating pussy. Not because they don’t like it but because  it’s really fucking hard. You have to learn it. Giving good head is the  key to just about everything in life (including getting good head later  on), so it’s time we broke it down. Like this. The secret to giving good head is to read the signs. You could be the  best sexual mechanic in the world, but if you can’t read the emotional  road signs, you’re going to end up wandering around in a desolate labial  wasteland until, eventually, you drop from exhaustion, hot tears of  confusion streaming down your face. Think of eating the puss as your way of saying, “although I am about to  rock your insides with 3 000 lbs. of explosives, here’s a little  intimate treat session to show you how I really feel.” Instead of  screaming “OH MY GOD!!” like her baby has been trapped under a car  (which is what fucking should do), cunnilingus elicits a more  splendiferous “ooohmygodohmygod-ohmygod.” Kind of like being massaged  with exotic fruits by a muscular Arab oil sheik. A good mange (that’s  French for “eat,” you brutes) is like a thousand years of Saturdays or  one of those Flake adverts.  Break it down!BE DOWN  Don’t go down unless you’re down. Unlike fellatio, cunnilingus can  never be done as a favor. Doing it when you don’t want to will only  bring on the dry heaves. Eat like a pig at the trough and a lot of  stupid mistakes get forgiven. DON’T SAY HI TO DRY A dry pussy is an unhappy pussy. If your fingers graze a dry bush, go  back to the kissing and hugging for awhile. Just make sure you actually  dip your finger between the lips. Sometimes moisture gets trapped  between the labia and a little fingerial coaxing is all that’s needed to  get the honey dripping.  Once you’re sure the beaver is wet, give it a few light, teasing  strokes with your finger. There’s nothing worse than rushing into this,  so make sure she’s really begging for it before you get under the  covers. Extra tip: Be like Prince and bring up a wet finger that both of you can share like a 1950s milkshake with two straws. Important: Don’t play your trump card too soon by putting your fingers  all the way inside. This can detract from the upcoming penetration and  kill the tease factor. Try to remember that 78% of a woman’s pleasure is  about yearning. Poking it in too soon is sure to put out the fire.SUBMARINE MISSION FOR YOU, BABY Once she’s lathered up, it’s time to go down. Get your fingers out of  there and don’t touch anything for a bit. Let your lap do a bit of  grinding and get some last-minute necking in like you’re going away on  vacation.  Though it’s very tempting on your way down to pull the blankets over  your head like the little mole-man that you are, this is a very bad  idea. It gets super hot down there and whipping the duvet off your head  and gasping for air ten seconds before she comes is pretty much going to  kill the mood.  Start by kissing her boobs and stomach and slowly working your way  down. Don’t get carried away with those stupid tits, though. That’s  something you should have taken care of before the pants even came off.  Right now it’s all about the stomach and inner thighs. A little bit of  gentle biting is good, but a sure winner is to start at the knee and  move towards the muff in a slow, shark-like swoop. Nibble your way right  up to the edge of her cunt, then skip across it and head for the other  knee. Repeat. Doing this a few times will get her really hot and save  you a lot of pussy-eating time in the long run.  When you’re just about ready to do the deed, start practicing on that  weird crevice next to the lips. Don’t spend too long there or she might  start to think that you think that’s the actual cunt. By now she should be dying for you to make your move. If you’re doing  it right, she’ll be moaning and trying to force your head between her  legs. Stretch this phase out until she looks like she’s been holding her  breath for three days. Extra trick: Hover over the bush for about five seconds before the  first lick. If you wait longer than that, she might think you’re having  second thoughts because it smells bad. Of course, we all knows that  motherfucker smells sweeter than a bowl of steamin’ crawdaddies. Important: Never bite the cunt in any way whatsoever. If this needs  more explaining you should probably just stick to jerking off.PARTING THE RED SEAS Isolate your playing field. Pubic hairs are to eating pussy what  cavities are to dental hygiene. You’re never going to be able to  identify all the parts if she looks like that PIL album That What is  Not. One hot trick is to get her to spread her lips apart so her pussy  is all set up for you like a great big buffet.THE GRAND ENTRANCE Do your first lick super slow. It’s good to groan and moan too. It  shows you’re digging it while sending microscopic audiophonic vibrations  right up her snapper. Start just above the anus and take it all the way  to the fur. Do about a dozen of these “St. Bernard licks” before moving  on (take it really slow, like four seconds per lick). This is a good  time to figure out what kind of clit she has. If it’s real sensitive  she’ll probably convulse as you pass over it and that means you’re  probably in for an easy ride. If there’s no reaction when you graze over  her clit, she probably has one of those nerveless little pea clits and  you’re in for a thirty-minute session of tongue-tendinitis.ROCK THE BOAT Eating pussy is so gentle it can make you feel like a bit of a fag. If  you’re getting tired of being ballerina boy, take it out on the clit.  Figure out how much abuse it can take without making her uncomfortable  and show the little bastard who’s boss. After all, Mr. Elusive is precisely what makes muff diving so  difficult. He’s surrounded by labia and, even after you find him, all  the pressure can pop him over to the side. All of a sudden you’re giving  the pee hole the seeing to of its life. Think of the clit like a tumor  in a pile of ear lobes. When you push down on the area he’s the only one  that can’t be squished. Once one of your tongue troopers finds him,  call for reinforcements. Use your lips to get hers out of the way and  focus all your attention into getting him alone. Once you find him, give  him a bit of a hard time for trying to hide from you. Frisk him and  give him a couple of whacks across the head. More on this punk and his  bad attitude later.  Extra important tip: The best way to stimulate the clit is to run your  entire tongue over it after you isolate it from the lips. The man in the  boat should feel the texture of the entire tongue pushing down on his  body and his boat.IDENTIFYING THE CLIT TYPE After the slow licks it’s time to get this party started. There are  essentially two types of clitori. Ones that enjoy a serious going over  and ones that don’t. The latter suck about as much as a one-inch penis  and you should dump her right away. Extra tip: Clits come in all shapes, sizes and sensitivities, but that  doesn’t really tell you much. All of them want to be treated slow and  soft at the beginning but the only way to tell if you can go fast at the  end is by reading her reactions. This is impossible to teach but just  do the best you can. All we can tell you is convulsing means take it  ease and “Oh my God” means bring it on.CLITS THAT NEED A SERIOUS GOING OVER These are the most fun because you can be creative. Pretend your tongue  is the bad cop and the clit is the guy who killed your partner.  Separate him from his buddies (the lips) and suck him right up into your  mouth. Now he’s on your turf. Keep him erect by creating an air-tight  vacuum chamber in your mouth. Slap the little bugger upside the head  with one big tongue bonk. He’s not going to tell you shit because he’s a  clit and he has no idea what you’re talking about, but kick his ass  anyway. After a few teasers and swirling circles, rat-a-tat-tat him  senseless like a boxer whacking a speed bag. If she starts freaking out  like it’s too much, ease up on the interrogation and go back to the St.  Bernard licks. The vacuum is a great way to bring her to orgasm, but  it’s a bit much sometimes, so mix things up with some circles around the  clit and some tongue fucking.  As you’re closing in for the kill, go back to the vacuum and give the  suspect a relentless head smacking. Up-and-downies are usually the most  effective, but your tongue will get less tired if you throw in a few  side-to-sides. When you feel the inner thighs start to shake, this is  it. Be repetitive. Do NOT be creative. You’re almost home and this is  not the time to start changing tactics. Extra tip: To keep the rhythm going, try repeating a chant in your head  that goes with the movement of your tongue like a Mic Mac Indian  (hi-yi-yi-ya, hi-yi-yi-ya, hi-yi-yi-ya). Any inconsistent action may  throw her off, killing the mood or at least setting you back a few  minutes, which is bad for morale. Important: Keep going several seconds after her orgasm. Remember, it  isn’t over until the hands come down from above and lay you off. If  she’s multi-orgasmic you’ll have to keep going until you’ve done the  whole routine another four or five times. If you’re not sure what to do,  just keep giving her shit until the magic hands come down to pull you  off.CLITS THAT DON’T Some clits don’t want to be singled out and battered around. These are  the boring ones that need to be treated with gentle care. Just do casual  St. Bernard licks until she cums, pure and simple. If you’re getting  bored try going in some different directions for a while. A good way to  keep it random is to spell out different letters of the alphabet with  the tip of your tongue. You could be looking at half an hour here pal,  and that can be problematic. If you go for that long and she doesn’t  cum, you’re going to be in a foul mood, so if it’s too much work, move  on. On the bright side, going for thirty minutes is something few people  have the patience for, so sticking it out will lead to some payback  when period week comes around.THE CONCLUSION Once you’re done (totally finished) she’s going to want you out of  there pronto because the whole area is sensitive. Instead of leaving,  stick out your tongue and lay it down on her like a thick, soggy carpet.  Make sure you don’t move it or anything because that can actually hurt  her. Just let it sit there like a dead manta ray for about thirty  seconds. Then come up and wipe your face like a pirate. You now have a  good minute to get the condom on and take her from the quarters of  Prince Muhammad Muhammad Saddat to the cockpit of an F-15.

I really want to post this on my Facebook.. But it might be a little inappropriate as I have family on it lol

pie-and-zoe:

astealerofhearts:

Men suck at eating pussy. Not because they don’t like it but because it’s really fucking hard. You have to learn it. Giving good head is the key to just about everything in life (including getting good head later on), so it’s time we broke it down. Like this.

The secret to giving good head is to read the signs. You could be the best sexual mechanic in the world, but if you can’t read the emotional road signs, you’re going to end up wandering around in a desolate labial wasteland until, eventually, you drop from exhaustion, hot tears of confusion streaming down your face.

Think of eating the puss as your way of saying, “although I am about to rock your insides with 3 000 lbs. of explosives, here’s a little intimate treat session to show you how I really feel.” Instead of screaming “OH MY GOD!!” like her baby has been trapped under a car (which is what fucking should do), cunnilingus elicits a more splendiferous “ooohmygodohmygod-ohmygod.” Kind of like being massaged with exotic fruits by a muscular Arab oil sheik. A good mange (that’s French for “eat,” you brutes) is like a thousand years of Saturdays or one of those Flake adverts.

Break it down!

BE DOWN

Don’t go down unless you’re down. Unlike fellatio, cunnilingus can never be done as a favor. Doing it when you don’t want to will only bring on the dry heaves. Eat like a pig at the trough and a lot of stupid mistakes get forgiven.

DON’T SAY HI TO DRY

A dry pussy is an unhappy pussy. If your fingers graze a dry bush, go back to the kissing and hugging for awhile. Just make sure you actually dip your finger between the lips. Sometimes moisture gets trapped between the labia and a little fingerial coaxing is all that’s needed to get the honey dripping.

Once you’re sure the beaver is wet, give it a few light, teasing strokes with your finger. There’s nothing worse than rushing into this, so make sure she’s really begging for it before you get under the covers.

Extra tip: Be like Prince and bring up a wet finger that both of you can share like a 1950s milkshake with two straws.

Important: Don’t play your trump card too soon by putting your fingers all the way inside. This can detract from the upcoming penetration and kill the tease factor. Try to remember that 78% of a woman’s pleasure is about yearning. Poking it in too soon is sure to put out the fire.

SUBMARINE MISSION FOR YOU, BABY

Once she’s lathered up, it’s time to go down. Get your fingers out of there and don’t touch anything for a bit. Let your lap do a bit of grinding and get some last-minute necking in like you’re going away on vacation.

Though it’s very tempting on your way down to pull the blankets over your head like the little mole-man that you are, this is a very bad idea. It gets super hot down there and whipping the duvet off your head and gasping for air ten seconds before she comes is pretty much going to kill the mood.

Start by kissing her boobs and stomach and slowly working your way down. Don’t get carried away with those stupid tits, though. That’s something you should have taken care of before the pants even came off. Right now it’s all about the stomach and inner thighs. A little bit of gentle biting is good, but a sure winner is to start at the knee and move towards the muff in a slow, shark-like swoop. Nibble your way right up to the edge of her cunt, then skip across it and head for the other knee. Repeat. Doing this a few times will get her really hot and save you a lot of pussy-eating time in the long run.

When you’re just about ready to do the deed, start practicing on that weird crevice next to the lips. Don’t spend too long there or she might start to think that you think that’s the actual cunt.

By now she should be dying for you to make your move. If you’re doing it right, she’ll be moaning and trying to force your head between her legs. Stretch this phase out until she looks like she’s been holding her breath for three days.

Extra trick: Hover over the bush for about five seconds before the first lick. If you wait longer than that, she might think you’re having second thoughts because it smells bad. Of course, we all knows that motherfucker smells sweeter than a bowl of steamin’ crawdaddies.

Important: Never bite the cunt in any way whatsoever. If this needs more explaining you should probably just stick to jerking off.

PARTING THE RED SEAS

Isolate your playing field. Pubic hairs are to eating pussy what cavities are to dental hygiene. You’re never going to be able to identify all the parts if she looks like that PIL album That What is Not. One hot trick is to get her to spread her lips apart so her pussy is all set up for you like a great big buffet.

THE GRAND ENTRANCE

Do your first lick super slow. It’s good to groan and moan too. It shows you’re digging it while sending microscopic audiophonic vibrations right up her snapper. Start just above the anus and take it all the way to the fur. Do about a dozen of these “St. Bernard licks” before moving on (take it really slow, like four seconds per lick). This is a good time to figure out what kind of clit she has. If it’s real sensitive she’ll probably convulse as you pass over it and that means you’re probably in for an easy ride. If there’s no reaction when you graze over her clit, she probably has one of those nerveless little pea clits and you’re in for a thirty-minute session of tongue-tendinitis.

ROCK THE BOAT

Eating pussy is so gentle it can make you feel like a bit of a fag. If you’re getting tired of being ballerina boy, take it out on the clit. Figure out how much abuse it can take without making her uncomfortable and show the little bastard who’s boss.

After all, Mr. Elusive is precisely what makes muff diving so difficult. He’s surrounded by labia and, even after you find him, all the pressure can pop him over to the side. All of a sudden you’re giving the pee hole the seeing to of its life. Think of the clit like a tumor in a pile of ear lobes. When you push down on the area he’s the only one that can’t be squished. Once one of your tongue troopers finds him, call for reinforcements. Use your lips to get hers out of the way and focus all your attention into getting him alone. Once you find him, give him a bit of a hard time for trying to hide from you. Frisk him and give him a couple of whacks across the head. More on this punk and his bad attitude later.

Extra important tip: The best way to stimulate the clit is to run your entire tongue over it after you isolate it from the lips. The man in the boat should feel the texture of the entire tongue pushing down on his body and his boat.

IDENTIFYING THE CLIT TYPE

After the slow licks it’s time to get this party started. There are essentially two types of clitori. Ones that enjoy a serious going over and ones that don’t. The latter suck about as much as a one-inch penis and you should dump her right away.

Extra tip: Clits come in all shapes, sizes and sensitivities, but that doesn’t really tell you much. All of them want to be treated slow and soft at the beginning but the only way to tell if you can go fast at the end is by reading her reactions. This is impossible to teach but just do the best you can. All we can tell you is convulsing means take it ease and “Oh my God” means bring it on.

CLITS THAT NEED A SERIOUS GOING OVER

These are the most fun because you can be creative. Pretend your tongue is the bad cop and the clit is the guy who killed your partner. Separate him from his buddies (the lips) and suck him right up into your mouth. Now he’s on your turf. Keep him erect by creating an air-tight vacuum chamber in your mouth. Slap the little bugger upside the head with one big tongue bonk. He’s not going to tell you shit because he’s a clit and he has no idea what you’re talking about, but kick his ass anyway. After a few teasers and swirling circles, rat-a-tat-tat him senseless like a boxer whacking a speed bag. If she starts freaking out like it’s too much, ease up on the interrogation and go back to the St. Bernard licks. The vacuum is a great way to bring her to orgasm, but it’s a bit much sometimes, so mix things up with some circles around the clit and some tongue fucking.

As you’re closing in for the kill, go back to the vacuum and give the suspect a relentless head smacking. Up-and-downies are usually the most effective, but your tongue will get less tired if you throw in a few side-to-sides. When you feel the inner thighs start to shake, this is it. Be repetitive. Do NOT be creative. You’re almost home and this is not the time to start changing tactics.

Extra tip: To keep the rhythm going, try repeating a chant in your head that goes with the movement of your tongue like a Mic Mac Indian (hi-yi-yi-ya, hi-yi-yi-ya, hi-yi-yi-ya). Any inconsistent action may throw her off, killing the mood or at least setting you back a few minutes, which is bad for morale.

Important: Keep going several seconds after her orgasm. Remember, it isn’t over until the hands come down from above and lay you off. If she’s multi-orgasmic you’ll have to keep going until you’ve done the whole routine another four or five times. If you’re not sure what to do, just keep giving her shit until the magic hands come down to pull you off.

CLITS THAT DON’T

Some clits don’t want to be singled out and battered around. These are the boring ones that need to be treated with gentle care. Just do casual St. Bernard licks until she cums, pure and simple. If you’re getting bored try going in some different directions for a while. A good way to keep it random is to spell out different letters of the alphabet with the tip of your tongue. You could be looking at half an hour here pal, and that can be problematic. If you go for that long and she doesn’t cum, you’re going to be in a foul mood, so if it’s too much work, move on. On the bright side, going for thirty minutes is something few people have the patience for, so sticking it out will lead to some payback when period week comes around.

THE CONCLUSION

Once you’re done (totally finished) she’s going to want you out of there pronto because the whole area is sensitive. Instead of leaving, stick out your tongue and lay it down on her like a thick, soggy carpet. Make sure you don’t move it or anything because that can actually hurt her. Just let it sit there like a dead manta ray for about thirty seconds. Then come up and wipe your face like a pirate. You now have a good minute to get the condom on and take her from the quarters of Prince Muhammad Muhammad Saddat to the cockpit of an F-15.

I really want to post this on my Facebook.. But it might be a little inappropriate as I have family on it lol

'Tell me what happens the first time you see a woman naked.'

'The first time you see a woman naked will not be like you imagined. There will be no love, no trust, no intimacy. You won’t even be in the same room as her.

You won’t get to smile as she undresses you and you undress her. You won’t get to calm her nerves with nerves of your own. You won’t get to kiss her, feeling her lips and the edge of her tongue. You won’t get to brush your fingers over the lace of her bra or count her ribs or feel her heartbeat.

The first time you see a woman naked you will be sitting in front of a computer screen watching someone play at intimacy and perform at sex. She will contort her body to please everyone in the room but her. You will watch this woman who is not a woman, pixelated and filtered and customized. She will come ready-made, like an order at a restaurant. The man on the screen will be bigger than you, rougher than you. He will teach you how to talk to her. He will teach you where to put your hands and he will teach you what you’re supposed to like. He will teach you to take what is yours.

You must unlearn this. You must unlearn this twisted sense of love. You must unlearn the definition of pleasure and intimacy you are being taught. Kill this idea of love, this idea of entitlement, this way of scarring one another.’

socal-black-sugar:

mxtori:

businessinsider:

7 QUESTIONS YOU SHOULD ASK AT THE END OF EVERY JOB INTERVIEW.

Click here to find out why these questions help you.

This is so important!

I never know what to ask and end up looking like a fool cause I don’t have a question prepared.

Don’t be me.

My go to questions if I can’t think of anything are “Given my background and qualifications do you feel I would be a good fit for this position?” and “What is the next step in the hiring process?”

(via spoiledbabysugar)

themodernsugar:

Goals & Money Saving Tips.

Don’t let the sugar over come you and remember to save it for the bigger picture. Have goals & work hard to achieve them.

(via saccharinebabe)